The Crawlers aka Troll 3 aka Contamination .7 aka Creepers (1991/1993)

 The Crawlers aka Troll 3 aka Contamination .7 aka Creepers (1991/1993)


What the hell is this movie?  Troll 3 which has nothing to do with Troll 2, which in turn had nothing to do with Troll 1, but it is also Contamination .7 though it has nothing at all in common with Contamination, and then it also received the names Creepers and The Crawlers...what the hell is this movie?   This is a bizarre film about a nuclear power plant in a hick small town somewhere in Western part of the USA is dumping nuclear waste in the forest, and it has created killer mutant roots that start killing people, and somehow the townspeople have to stop this?

The Crawlers is an Italian film, which was shot in and around Porterville Utah, which was also the filming location for the notoriously bad film Troll 2.  The film was directed by Fabrizio Laurenti (under the pseudonym Martin Newlin), with addition scenes directed by Joe D'Amato.  If that name Joe D'Amato sounds familiar, he also directed Troll 2, and Quest For The Might Sword which is also known as Troll 3 (yes, this man directed two films called Troll 3, and neither film had anything related to his other film Troll 2).  D'Amato was also the producer for this film.  The film was written by Fabrizio Laurenti, Albert Lawrence, and Daniele Stroppa.   The film like Troll 2 was made with an Italian crew with an American cast, and I am sure like in that film, the language barrier attributed to the really terrible direction and acting in this film.  The Crawlers was distributed by Epic Productions and Columbia TriStar Home Video in the USA and in the US was released direct to video in 1993, though it was filmed in 1990, and released in Italy in 1991.   The story and facts about this film are about as nonsensical as the story it self.  This film and everything about it is just bizarre and confusing. 

 The Crawlers stars a bunch of inexperienced actors, from what I can tell most of the actors other than Mary Sellers who plays Josie seem to just be a bunch of locals, some went on to do one or two other very low budget films, but none of them really did more.  So from what I can seem to gather, is that if this film feels like the actors aren't real actors, well it is because most of them in fact aren't.   To say that this film has bad acting might be the biggest understatement ever made, I have seen high school plays with better acting than this, I have been in high school plays with better acting than this.  The acting in this film might in fact be the worst acting in the history of films, I'm not sure if even The Room has worst acting than this.

The Crawlers aka Troll 3 aka Contamination .7 aka The Creepers is a hard film to watch.  I was expecting it to be bad because I knew that it was ridiculously named Troll 3 with no connection to the previous films, so I knew it was going to not be good.   But as I was watching it, it felt like I was watching a joke, like a film can't actually be this bad this must be a farce.  The pace is agonizingly slow, the majority of the film really has no point, and serves little to no purpose, this film really has no purpose.  Even the ridiculous story line, let's say that there is nuclear waste being dumped in your forest, when you form a vigilante mob to clean up the toxic waste dump, no one thinks, "oh gee, this has caused murderous mutant plants, maybe we should wear some protective gear!"?   No of course not because that actually might make sense.  Even worst none of hte doctors at the bloody power plant wear protective gear when in the presence of a dead body that they said has enough radiation in her body to seem like she was soaked in a pool of uranium, but no one wears a protective suit or even gloves or a mask at bare minimum.  Who are these damned idiots that both wrote this nonsense, but also the actors, that never thought that they maybe should bring up that their characters might consider some type of protective gear.   The only people on this planet that could possibly have less intelligence than the characters in this film might be anti-maskers who willingly contributed to massive amount of people who died from Covid-19 in the USA.   This film is that level of idiocy. 

Should you watch this film?  Are you a masochist, because this film is painful to watch.  I never want to hear that Plan 9 is one of the worst films ever made, when Contamination .7 exists on this planet.  Troll 2 is enjoyable, it is undeniably bad, but it is bad in a fun way, there is nothing good about how bad Troll 3 is.  The Creepers I suppose does have some so bad it's funny moments, and I guess if you want to watch The Crawlers, do it because of just how absolutely bizarrely bad the film is.  This film is nothing more than a practice in absurdity, and maybe that is the point.  I do not believe that anyone accidently makes a film this bad, it has to be a willfully deliberate plan to make the film THIS bad.   I guess if you want to see for your self how bad it is, then by all means check it out.  Scream Factory has released it on DVD under the name Contamination .7 and released it with three pretty decent low budget films.  This is a truly strange and bizarre film, with terribly slow pacing, and I think that above all else is what makes the film so hard to watch, I can handle the bad acting, I can handle the absurd plot, and the absurd continuity issues of the film (so many scenes are part shot in daylight, then at night, and then back to day light, or vice versa), I can handle the bad effects, I can handle a bad movie, but if you make the bad movie have a terribly slow pacing where much of the film there is very little of any significance happening, that is a pretty bad sin that is hard to forgive.  So if you want to see a truly bad film check out...whatever this film is called. 


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